There are some geniuses or parody and social commentary in the world. Baltimore-based bloggers recently trolled Victoria's Secret, convincing thousands of people that the lingerie company that they were now taking a pro-women's stance. Panties featured included "Consent is sexy" and "No means no". These are great messages to send to the world, but the delivery method is all wrong.
Consent is a very tricky thing. In the ideal world, every sexual encounter would begin with both parties verbally saying "yes, I want to do this" in some form or another. But the world is not ideal. Sometimes, wordless encounters with a consenting partner are sexy. Some people consent fully after 7 shots of tequila, and then regret their decision when the morning hangover comes. Some people refuse sex with a partner because they do not like the stigma of initiating sex or wanting sex. This is where our problems come in to play.
The world needs education and a re-evaluation of sexual values. It needs to end certain stigmas. Here is my hetero-normative assessment:
Consent
Women: Tell men what you want.
Men: Do not do more to woman than what she consents to
Communication
Women: You are entitled to enjoy sex. If a man does not meet your sexual needs, discuss it frankly with him. Give him time to become a good lover
Men: Your woman should enjoy sex. Encourage her to tell you how you can enjoy herself. Keep the lines of communication open. Be open to change. Not all women are the same.
Exclusivity
Both partners: Be open and frank about the number of partners you have and your intentions toward them. Keep lines of communication open if your feelings change
Promiscuity
Both partners- If you are not in a relationship, you are free to celebrate your sexuality as far as your morals take you
Women- do not judge another woman as a slut. She has the right to have sex with a consenting partner who is not in a monogamous relationship. Yes, your friends should not sleep with your exes, but you do not impose your morals on other women
Men-do not call women sluts. Do not think that just because a woman has been described as a slut, she will submit sexually to you or any of your friends you throw at her. She is a human being
Prudishness
Women-You have the right to rescind consent.
Men-She has a right to concede consent. Respect that
Teasing
Women- It is acceptable to have sexual encounters with a man without having intercourse. Please discuss it beforehand with him. Do not let him push your boundaries without your consent. Do not lead him to believe that he is getting more than what he is going to get.
Men-Understand that a woman may not be comfortable having sexual intercourse, but may elect to have oral sex, frotage, or hand jobs instead. You are not entitled to have sex
Paying for the date
Both partners- the person who asks, pays. Splitting the bill is acceptable if discussed beforehand. Coffee dates and beer dates are cheaper than dinner, usually
Paying partner- no amount of money that you can spend requires someone to 'put out' for you
Partner who is paid for- You are never obligated to 'put out' because a meal was expensive. Conversely, don't exploit your host's picking up the check.
